I have wanted to write some personal background stories since day one of NorthAmericanDarrell.com
Since this will eventually be an autobiography, I want to start getting a bit personal!
You can read my blog on my “Mockumentary” ambitions:
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“NorthAmericanDarrell – A Mockumentary”
If you could pack up right now and leave…
Where would you go?
I was introduced to death younger than most people!
Dad; Suicide
Sister and her Son (nephew); Fire
My only Brother; Car accident
All of this happened at a young age while I was trying to figure out life!
I rarely admit it but, death 100% shaped the person that I had become.
I admittedly spend too much time looking for perfection due to loss!
“Paralysis by analysis” with no perfect moments!
Ironically, I am infinitely far from perfect myself!
Deaf in one ear, blind in one eye, broken trap door physically. Capable of being an train wreck emotionally with sprinkling of general anxiety disorder.
Overthinking everything and an inability to commit!
One term I came across was Limerence.
The more I read about it, the more a few things in my life started making a lot more sense on how my mind is wired on relationships.
When I meet someone, I almost immediately start planning the future!
I put the cart so far ahead of the horse, so quickly, it is ridiculous!
I have tried therapy; I always felt like I was the second craziest one in the room with them all wanting me to dig up my extremely painful my past.
Honestly, I tried their recommendations and its not going to happen.
Too long ago, too much pain and it needs to stay under the rug.
My ‘workaround’ is doing my best to take care of myself physically and financially which often takes care of the emotional part.